Suburbon Malevolence
by TheHoplessHarlequin
Summary: This is a parody of one of my favorite movies, Resident Evil. I've thrown action, horror, comedy, and romance into the world of Zombies as our heroine Malice fights for her life and tries to uncover the secrets of her past and stop the Parasol Company!
1. The Early Morning of the Dead

Every thing is dark in this world and everything is dead. Our families, our friends, and everybody else; dead. But just because they're dead doesn't mean they can't be enjoying a nice little stroll right about now.

In fact right about now is when Mrs. Dueler decided to reanimate and look for a late night snack. And Mr. Dueler, always being the gentleman, is happy to oblige. His screams reverberate through the cold night and add that perfect eeriness to an already terrifying scene.

I just stand here waiting for my eyes to open and to find myself lying in bed as my alarm rings, but of course this isn't a dream. I know for sure because I woke up twenty minutes ago to find my mother and father half eaten in their room and my little brother leaning over my face with blood dripping from his mouth.

I guess I never really expected the virus to reach us in Porcupine Town. It was a safe zone, a place that the Parasol Company put citizens so that we didn't have to see flesh eaters everywhere. So you can imagine my frustration when I saw my little brother this morning.

Of course most of that frustration _was _coming from the fact that he was spitting blood all over my new sheets and since I didn't know he was a walking corpse I did what any big sister would do. I grabbed my alarm clock and clocked him over the head with it. Was I overacting? Maybe, but looking back at it I'm glad I did because it unreanimated him.

Any way, back to the lovely display of spousal abuse before me. I suppose I could have stopped Mrs. Dueler, but even before she was a zombie she gave me the creeps. So like I said, I'm just going stand here while she munches on her husbands leg. I probably shouldn't find this so interesting, but I do. I've never seen the Dictator Virus in action before and I must admit that it is as disturbing as it was rumored to be.

I wish you folks at home could see this because I kid you not; this is probably the gnarliest thing I've ever seen that didn't involve skateboarders without helmets. I mean seriously disgusting; she has one of the ligaments from Mr. Dueler's leg hanging out of her mouth while she is trying to pick the rest of the tissue off one of his bones. Don't worry though because Mr. Dueler is already dead. Mrs. Dueler socked him over the head with a rake after her first bite to stop his screaming so that she wouldn't have to share with the other zombies.

And if it makes you feel any better, Mrs. Dueler was always a cruel flesh eater. Not in the literal sense of course, but she wouldn't even share her hedge clippers with her old neighbors when the D-Virus first struck. She was skinnier and could actually run back then. Since then she's let herself go.

She doesn't really look too different either; she's still fat and senile and can't walk that well. She also still has grayish, wiry hair, only now there are huge junks of it missing. And as for her face, well, the only real difference is that it's half missing, which means Mr. Dueler put up a pretty good fight. And that's surprising because Mr. Dueler was always a bit of a pushover, not to the "I'll let you bite my leg off" extent, but definitely the "I'll let you have my social security card number Mr. Homeless Person" extent.

By the way my name is Lauren. I feel like I should let you know now in case I die in the next few minutes. I'm an average teenage girl just like you… unless you're a boy. Then we're completely different and if you don't know how then I advise you to stop falling asleep in health class, but that's not the point. The point is, I'm living during the End of the World Era, also known as the Holy Crap Did That Guy Seriously Just Bite Me? Era.

Either way you can tell that this isn't going to end well for you or me. And why is that? Because the Parasol Company, the largest medical and weapons research organization in the world, royally screwed up. They were studying one of the last existing strains of smallpox when one of the researchers thought it would be "cool" to inject the virus into a tick. The virus mutated and became what is now known as the Dictator Virus.

Why it's named that, I don't know, but what I do know is that the Parasol Company has no chance of hiding this from the public. Especially since I'm sending this tape to The White House along with my proof that Parasol is behind all of this.

There's someone coming this way. A man I think. I'm going to try to get his attention and hopefully he'll come help me. He looks like a cop, so he has to be here to rescue the survivors. Huge bonus is that he has a gun, which is like being the only fireworks stand on the Fourth of July when there are zombies everywhere.

He sees me! I'm outta here! I'm saved! No more zombies for me!

"Have you been bitten?"

No, of course not.

"Are there others with you?"

No it's just me. My little brother ate my parents and I hit him with an alarm clock.

"What's with the tape recorder?"

I know who's behind this and I'm documenting everything that's happening so that they will be held accountable.

"Who do you think is behind all of this?"

I don't think I know. I know. And it's the Parasol Company. They developed all of the surrounding cities as an experiment. Porcupine was supposed to be the Control sample in their experiment, but one of the survivors from the last zombie attack must have been infected.

"And you have proof that it was Parasol?"

Rock solid proof. Hey, wait. What's that on your badge?

…. You're with Parasol!

* * *

There is a thud and a plastic clattering as the tape falls to the ground. The sound of a silencer goes off. And then there is static. The tape has ended. I don't feel sorry for the "Lauren" that made this tape. She shouldn't have told him what she knew. She shouldn't have trusted him.

I can't help but smile. The Apocalypse turns everyone into a hypocrite.

* * *

Well everyone let me know what you think pretty please. I would love advice on how I could make this more fun to read and if you want your very own zombie character added into the story just leave me a comment on what you'd like the little fella to look like and I'll add him/her into the story eating someone or getting killed. Let me know.


	2. 752 Hours Prior

752 Hours Prior (That's 28 Days :) )

I could hear the sound of pounding water off in the distance. It got closer and closer until my eyes ripped open. My first thought was "When did it start raining?" and then to my horror I realized that it wasn't rain. I was laying face down on a tile floor with warm water falling from the showerhead above. I racked my brain for any memory I might have had before that moment.

After coming up with nothing but a trace of a smoky smell I tried to stand up and each time I did my knees swayed beneath me before I collapsed again. I finally gave up and wrapped the shower curtain around me and crawled into a large bedroom. Using the mattress as a crutch I pulled myself up.

The room was spacious and tastefully decorated giving me the impression that some sort of government-funded family must have lived there. The floors didn't even creek as I walked over to a dresser. Everything was silent. Everything was cold.

A fierce shiver tore through my body as I opened the drawers looking for something to wear. In the bottom drawer was a red, low v-cut dress that looked as if it would fit. It wouldn't do much about my cold feeling, but it was all I could find that wasn't white.

For some reason I didn't want to wear white even though it would have covered me more and was much more sensible. I looked around the room for some shoes after slipping on the dress. Next to the bed was a pair of sneakers and a pair boots. I reached down and picked up the boots realizing that the sneakers just wouldn't match my dress.

I didn't feel like I could run, jump, or fight in my apparel but it was just so darn pretty that I pushed aside my vulnerability. After all it wasn't like I'd need to do any of that stuff anyway.

I was admiring my feminine appearance when I heard footsteps sneaking through one of the corridors. I couldn't explain it, but I somehow knew my way through the house perfectly as I made my way into the dining room. I listened carefully for any sounds, but there was nothing to be heard in the dark room.

When I turned to leave the heel of my boot snagged on the hem of the dress and I sprawled forward. Pain shot through my elbow as I hit the wood floors and amidst my shouts of profane words I heard hurried footsteps running towards me.

A pair of much more sensible shoes stopped in front of me as someone pulled me to my feet.

"Are you alright?"

The man in front of me was handsome in a geeky scientist way, but the plastic badge on his shirt proclaimed otherwise. He was a cop.

"I'm fine I'm just a little tipsy officer." I replied pleasantly.

"Officer? Oh right, the badge. Yes indeedy I am a cop, that's why I'm here. You called for some assistance." He stumbled.

"I did?"

"Uh, yeah you sure did. I think you said your lights went out or something like that." He announced.

I was about to point out that the lights were on as bright as day when the freakishly large window I hadn't noticed before then shattered and giant black figures soared in aiming guns in various places.

A large black man grabbed me by the arm and pulled me to my feet because apparently I couldn't handle wearing heels. He was handsome and muscular, but the gun in is hand kept me from making a move; that and the Latina woman with her, "doesn't take any crap" expression. In fact she was the real reason I didn't bat my eyes and say something like, "My, what big muscles you have!" I was afraid she might shoot me.

And as if she had read my mind she said, "What do you want me to do with the guy?" and jabbed him with the barrel of her gun.

"We'll take him with us. He might know something." The man holding my arm said before he turned to me and asked, "Do you remember anything?"

I focused on how I woke up and tried to remember why I had collapsed, but I couldn't even remember my name. I looked up at the man and pouted my lip a little as I shook my head. He softened his grip on me and smiled a bit.

"It's the house's defense mechanism. The gas must have temporarily altered your memory, but don't worry. It'll wear off soon." He said as his smile widened.

"So… what's your name?" I asked casually. He smiled and opened his mouth to replay, but the Latino woman cut in. "Two, Chaplan and I got the train up and running. We need to get to the Nest."

"Good work." He replied seriously, "And you're right. We need to move out."

Two looked at the police officer. "You, go with Hail. And you," he added, looking at me, "You're with me." I smiled to show my approval and he returned the gesture.

As we walked to this train that would lead us to what Hail called, the Nest, Two explained what had happened and why he was here.

"The Ochre Duchess went on self destruct basically. We don't know if there was some malfunction or if she just decided to go homicidal, either way, the people inside are dead and it's our job to figure out how it all went own."

"Alright, but who's the Ochre Duchess?" I didn't want to sound like a complete idiot, but nothing he had said made sense. I didn't know what a Nest was, I've never met any royalty in my entire life, and I had no clue how I fit in with all of this.

Two laughed and shook his head. "I keep forgetting that you don't remember anything Malice."

"Um… who's Malice?" I asked looking behind my shoulder. There wasn't another agent behind me and I began to question Two's sanity. But Two just laughed harder and wiped a tear from his eye. " 'Who's Malice?' Ha-ha! Yes sir, who's Malice? You're Malice of course!" He said finally catching his breath. I didn't even bat an eye.

We were approaching the train when I heard it' a barely audible moan. It was a simple sound that had a chilling effect on everyone in our party. My skin began to crawl.

"Well that was creepy." Two said before he stepped onto the dark train.

* * *

Allrighty, I'm sorry it took so long. School kinda owns me. Well tell your friends if you like the story and tell me if you don't. I'll fix what needs to be fixed and trust me the gore is coming soon.

Comment please! The button below loves to be pressed! Who knows, maybe a dancing bunny will pop up if you do...


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